new year, same crab
date published : 01/28/2026
it's 2026 now and a few days ago i turned 21. i celebrated by taking my lovely partner out for dinner on my parents' dime because i am still unemployed. i also moved to portland! this was after two years of long-distance hell with the aforementioned partner, so it's a welcome change. other than that not much is different. i used to blog when i was like, 9, and now i'm doing it again! life loops back on itself once more.
this year i want to focus on making weirder and hornier art. i have a zine about my decision to pursue phalloplasty in the works. it has a really, really bad name (please let me know if you can think of something better than phallosophical). i also want to write more in general; i took a class last year (before i dropped out) that was solely reading and writing reflections and i loved it. shoutout to the anarchism class that was somehow a gen ed (never change, seattle)!
other random goals: i want to film a proper porno. make a plan for a scene, use a nice camera, maybe bleed a little bit. you know, sexy stuff. i want to continue making ceramics. i want to get good enough at biking that i am not cycling slightly illegally by not signaling my turns (portland has so many bike lanes that this has not been a problem so far, but still). i would very much like to get a penis, or at least the beginnings of one! i will be having more gay sex regardless of my success.
2026 (or more specifically february 2nd, 2026) will also mark 7 years since i started hrt. the mathematically gifted among you might have noticed that means i was 14 when i started hrt, and yes, you get a gold star. i was very young when i transitioned, and it feels weird to think about because the situation has worsened so much in the years since. i got top surgery while i was still 14. yes, they did gender affirming surgery on me when i was a minor. it did wonders for me and i am so glad i had that opportunity. i lived in texas at the time. today the surgery that gave me the chance to grow into my body as a teenager should is illegal.
i'm sure i'll find more words for that dissonance at some point. some of my peers from that time, like the lovely eka savajol have already written about it. for now, i will keep injecting myself with 0.7mL of testosterone cypionate every monday evening, like i have for ages. new year, same crab.