so i have glaucoma
date published : 03/04/2026
the title kind of says it all, doesn't it? but i suppose a little background is in order. a few years ago i was diagnosed with type ii diabetes, although that phrasing feels a little like burying the lede. i was diagnosed with diabetes when i was 15. this is young for type ii. it's atypical and this presentation only started emerging in significant numbers in the 80s. there's not much data on "youth-onset" type ii diabetes and the data that exists is not promising. it points to an aggressive disease progression and high burden, with most patients developing complications within 5 years of diagnosis and serious complications - the fun stuff like amputation, blindness, and kidney failure - starting at the 10 year mark.
my ten year mark will be shortly after my 25th birthday. i recently celebrated my 21st. so far, i am a typical youth-onset type ii diabetes patient. my first complication, peripheral neuropathy, began shortly post-diagnosis and has progressed to requiring painkillers. i've also developed autonomic neuropathy. my stomach no longer properly empties and i am banned from all but the smallest amounts of fiber (so long, anal bottoming). my kidneys started showing signs of damage shortly after my liver poisoning incident (i got poisoned by a diabetes med, whoops). insulin and a kidney drug have mostly reversed that, so i'm at the slightly contradictory "stage 0" of diabetic kidney disease. my heart, thank god, seems to be fine. my eyes were also on the list of organs spared until recently.
i've been severely myopic (that's nearsighted, for those of you spared the opportunity to get really friendly with an optometrist) since i was about 7 years old. for a while my eyesight was deteriorating so quickly that i had to see an optometrist twice a year and even after that i think i've had two appointments where my vision stayed stable enough to keep my glasses. all of this to say, i have always been very good about making my yearly eye exam because my eyes have never liked doing their job.
when you're diabetic your doctors get really annoying about your annual eye exam. this is mostly due to a tricksy little thing called diabetic retinopathy, which can and will make you go blind if not caught. like a lot of eye problems it comes on slowly and is irreversible by the time you've lost vision, so it's in your best interest to find it before then. my prior optometrists have also been sure to impress upon me that as a highly myopic ("high" starts at -6 diopters, my best eye is at -9.25) diabetic who also has a connective tissue disease i'm at increased risk for retinal detachment as well.
so, last week i shuffled myself off to the optometrist like a good little diabetic, and my intraocular pressure was high. there were a few weird spots on my macula too, and the optometrist ordered me back as soon as possible. i came back today, and a repeat measurement confirmed my ocular hypertension. i also have borderline thinning of my optic nerve, which means i have won myself a referral to a glaucoma specialist. apparently they might wanna blast my eyeballs with lasers. that sounds sexy!
honestly though, it's really scary. i've been a visual artist my whole life and the prospect of losing my sight scares me. hell, even just needing more appointments with more doctors scares me. diabetic burnout is very real for me. there's the endless shots of insulin and faulty glucose monitors and trying to find a goddamn endocrinologist after my move to a new state. there's the piles of medical waste i generate and then have to dispose of safely. after all that, i'm left with the prospect of a youth that will likely end all too soon; that is already starting to end. my body is beginning to fail and i am stuck watching and waiting for the therapies that drain all my energy to fail, too.
i feel obligated to disclaim my suffering here, to tell you that i'll be okay because i have people who love me and take care of me despite my inability to work or provide. i am so thankful i have those things - i am alive largely because of them. but the truth is they will not stop loss of function. it seems nothing will. i am trying to make my peace with that. it's hard.